Saturday, October 20, 2007

Open Letter to J Ho

I sent this to the SMH, but they did not like it... oh well, their loss...

Dear John,

I really do not want tax cuts thank you. I really think that a lot of the electorate do not want them either.

What I do want is for you to spend some of that massive surplus that the mining boom has created on fixing some on going long term problems.

How about getting together with the state governments and matching spending on adding public transport infrastructure. I know Sydney is screaming for a new rail line or too to developing areas and I suspect that most states could benefit similarly. You could offer to match state funding on the new lines, to ensure they actually happen closer to when they are needed, instead of waiting till it is too late. Not to mention, building new rail lines, to reduce dependence on private cars is also good for the environment, so it would improve your green credentials.

How about providing some funding directly for hospital capital expenditure too? Your reign over the country has seen federal expenditure on health decline compared to state funding, so why not offer to fund some new facilities, or some new equipment, things that our hospitals are crying out for in various places.

And of course, some more money for education would not hurt either, considering the way you have failed to adequately fund our public education system.

You could do all of these, yet still keep the budget in surplus, if you can afford the tax cuts. More to the point, these suggestions would help to reduce some of the pressures in the economy that are causing inflation. Not to mention, by not giving the tax cuts, you are reducing that inflationary action too.

But I forgot. You are not really interested in economic management, despite what you say. You really just want to get re-elected. And you have yet given me any reason to do so.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It's time to go J Ho!!!!

Dear John,

I am writing to you to tell you, I no longer love you. Yes I know you thought it was forever, but sadly, I have finally started to see through your lies and cruel behaviour. Trying to wedge us one time to many (well, it was far more than that, but finally I woke up!) - sorry, it just did not work anymore.

You know, it took a while, but I have finally realised, there is more to life than money, not that I am really sure you understand how to manage money wisely anyway. Talking about how the Labour Party cannot be trusted to look after the economy, then throwing buckets of money at us hoping we will still vote for you is just not going to cut it anymore. We want to see that you are putting money aside for the future, this mining boom is not going to last forever you know!!

And this drought thing. I am beginning to think that maybe the Greens and the others have been right all along. The weather pattern does seem different these days. This ongoing pattern of drought is destroying our land and our way of life. I am beginning to think that it is not that we cannot afford the economic costs of cutting greenhouse gases, or sigingin up to Kyoto, but rather if we want a future, we cannot afford not to do something. Sorry John, you are looking liike yesterday's man more and more.

And what about social justice? We used to be a nation that took pride in looking after those who fell throught the cracks, or who suffered for no fault of their own but for what they were? Where has the concept of a fair go, and looking after others gone? I don't like what has happened, and you have been in charge while it happened. I am sorry, you just have to go.......

Love (I think I still love you)

The Australian Public.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

By the way...

I am guessing I should apologise or something for my shameless lack of regular blogging. (to whom I am not really sure, but consider me feeling guilty if you were waiting with baited breath for the latest installment of my life!)

Anyway...

Here are some updates...

I now live with the gorgeous one in a lovely little house in Camperdown (aka camp on down),just down the road from the memorial park, if you know the inner west of Sydney.

Since leaving the big T, I have worked for a couple of places, after a long break (the de-Telstra-isation), first of all for a financial co (did not work out), then for a well known hair products co in their professional division as a sales clerk (part of one of the world's largest American packaged goods companies), and now, I am working for an iconic computer company, as a tech support person. Yes, I am being trusted to help people fix their computers! Scary, isn't it?

I have to say though, that a large number of the calls are all about helping idiots who should not be let near computers learn how to fix the stuff ups they do. Regularly. Ah, the stupidity of the great unwashed. It never fails to surprise me!!!

Oh, and during the visit from my parents? They actually decided they liked the gorgeous one!!!!!

A new take on STI's

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2006/07/the_disney_prin.html

Seriously? This is wonderfully demented.... I laughed all the way through! (and no connection with reality of course!!!)

The Disney Princesses Talk About Chlamydia
by Wayne Gladstone

Approximately one million cases of Chlamydia are reported to the Center for Disease Control each year. This startling statistic is comprised of a disproportionate number of teenage girls; young victims particularly susceptible to misinformation and often unaware of the high risks associated with certain behaviors. In an effort to protect our nation’s youth and empower them with knowledge, the C.D.C. sought the perfect spokeswomen to reach these young girls before they came to harm. The Disney Princesses were the only logical choice given their staggering success selling shoes, dolls, dresses, pillowcases, sunglasses, posters, and other willy-nilly items. Now, the Disney Princesses offer their wisdom, compassion, and personal stories to today’s youth.

What Is Chlamydia?


Snow White: Chlamydia is a lot like swallowing a poisoned apple transformed through magic by a witch. Except, instead of a poisoned apple, it’s more like bacteria living on dirty dwarf cock.

Cinderella: The Chlamydia bacteria can grow in the throat, vagina, penis, or absolutely anywhere on that whore “Sleeps-Around Beauty.” Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, Aurora.

Pocahontas: Chlamydia is the only thing I still have from John Smith.


What Are The Symptoms?

Jasmine: I noticed an increased difficulty riding a camel. I remember the pain and swelling. I was so embarrassed I told people I had sand in my crotch.

Belle: The symptoms are subtle so they can be hard to detect. For me, it was a searing vaginal pain when being mounted by an enormous beast, but in a different, bad way.

Ariel: My Chlamydia makes Prince Eric have sex with men. At least, he says that’s why.


How Do You Get It?

Snow White: I’m not a scientist so I can only guess, but I think the smart money is on doing the rusty trombone with Happy.

Jasmine: Chlamydia was invented by Jews.

Ariel: I got it playing a game I like to call “Finding Nemo.”


How Do You Treat It?

Cinderella: Bag the pumpkin coach and use that wish for a clean snatch. Then just hoof it home from the ball.

Ariel: Ask your dad to zap you some new legs.

Snow White: Doc insisted the only cure was a strict two week regimen of dwarf “back door.”


What Are The Effects If Left Untreated?

Cinderella: No one will be friends with you except maybe that tramp, Aurora.

Pocahontas: Your movie will be only a mild success, your people will be slaughtered in the millions, and Disney will be forced to hire dark-skinned Latinas to portray you at their amusement parks.

Belle: Your man will lose most of his hair and shrink dramatically in size, leaving you perpetually dissatisfied.




We at the C.D.C. hope you found this information useful. For more information please contact www.when.you.itch.upon.a.scar.com.
Wayne Gladstone lives in Maine with his wife and children. Some of his work has been featured in McSweeney's and Opium. But all of it has not been featured in The New Yorker. If Wayne Gladstone were a restaurant, he would be a defunct roadside Roy Rogers sharing space with a wildly successful Bob's Big Boy. Visit Wayne at WayneGladstone.com