I had been meaning to post for a while now...
For a start, there is my job at "that iconic and secretive American computer co", where I get to help people fix up their computers, and generally tell people how to use programs, about half of which I have never actually used myself, apart from in training exercises. Fun hey?
Then there was the experience with my singing teacher. He told me to go away and not come back to him until I found what it was that made me want to sing, and regain my love of singing.
That HURT!!! But it was also true. I had lost my love of singing. I was only going through the motions, and now that I am not singing at the moment, I am doing some fairly heavy soul searching, trying to work out why it matters so much to me. I almost feel like I have hit that "in love with the idea" stage, rather than actually loving
doing. Does that make sense? It sort of does to me at the moment, but I am not sure if it will in a couple of weeks time.
In the mean time I am trying to work my way through an amazing book called "The Artist's Way", by Julia Cameron. If you ever find yourself wanting to do something creative, but not able to take that next step, pick it up. I first picked it up about five years ago, when I was in a very dark place in my life. I actually think it was one of the reasons I got through that time. Those of you that know me may guess what that is all about. I have to admit though, I did not finish all of it then, and I did not complete all the exercises, but I was well aware of the influence it had on my life and how it lifted me out of the hole I was in and helped me to get my life back into gear.
This time round I am determined to make my way through it. I want to rediscover my creative self, to refind my love of singing, to rediscover how to be the best me I can be. Which ultimately, is all that any of us can ever hope to be.
Now, one of the things that "TAW" instructs you to do, which kind of sounds silly till you actually do it, is to take "artist's dates". That is, you take your inner artist out on a date and go and do something that you want to do, on your own, just you and your sense of awe and wonder. It is part of the process, sort of a refinding a sense of self, of who you are, so that you can then find that creative side of you that has gone missing.
Last week I went to look at the Botanic Gardens. I will aim to post some of the pictures online once I set up some room for them, and edit them to an appropriate size. I also plan to do quite a bit of documenting of the artist dates I take, to try to share my sense of the world as it is, and as it could be, as I work to regain what I have lost...
Believe it or not, this was the sign promoting a display of Orchids and carniverous plants. Sex and Death, I mean, how could I avoid going in to look at it????
This was a spectacular Dendrobium, covered in flowers - it was stunningly beautiful and the pic barely does it justice....
